my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Drake has all the answers
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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