I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
