I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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