i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
