You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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