dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
