I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
