My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
