I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
