We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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