I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
