he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
