I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
