It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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