why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
