??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
