11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
