Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
