sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
