woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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