did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
