I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
