saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
