Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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