Where are you?
In a non slutty way
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
