3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
