I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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