Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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