I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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