it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
