he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
