I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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