I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
