where am i from again
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
