Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
