Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you win again, gameday.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
