I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
