I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
