the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
