He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
