Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
