so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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