Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
