Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
