The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
