Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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