She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
