Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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