There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
