I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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