Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
