cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My penis needs a shock collar
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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