i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
